Heavy with Sleep - a lenten sacrifice

"But Peter and they that were with him were heavy with sleep: And when they were awake, they saw his glory, and the two men that stood with him." Luke 9:32
Recently, this verse was part of church liturgy, and as usual when I hear this passage, the phrase "heavy with sleep" jumped out at me. A similar phrase in another part of scripture also jumps out at me for the same reason — " ... for their eyes were heavy." Matthew 26:43.
The latter reference is part of scripture telling the story of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane — a story that will come into play more during the week preceding Easter.
When I was a teenager, growing up in church, every year, the excerpt from the Garden of Gethsemane would come up, and every year, I'd think the same thing about Peter, James and John (according to Matthew's account, these are the three Jesus took with him to the garden the night he was betrayed). I'd think, "What losers. They couldn't even stay awake while Jesus (son of God, savior of the world, etc.) prayed. He clearly asked them to stay awake more than once, but they couldn't?" I mean, here Jesus was, not only knowing of the horrible death that would be his fate the very next day, but asking God to, if at all possible, keep it from happening.
In my younger days, I was, and still am to an extent, a night owl. I'd stay up late during high school. During college, my various commitments with the campus newspaper, my work-study job in public relations, my off-campus job and academic demands (often in that order of priority) made for many all-nighters. I can remember one occasion when I stayed up three nights straight (more than 72 hours) before I finally succumbed. So it just didn't make any sense to me that these guys couldn't stay awake an hour or two. At that point in my life, praying for that long, like Jesus did, seemed way harder than staying awake talking to your pals.
Fast-forward to now. I'm in my mid-30s. I'm a parent. And I have a demanding job that often requires me to work long, odd hours. Translation — I'm tired. Unlike Peter, James, John, Jesus and the gang, I have a climate-controlled environment to live and work in, a vehicle (I don't have to walk everywhere I need to go) and a nice comfy bed to sleep in at night. Still, I'm tired.
My point here is not to complain about being tired. In fact, I have more energy now than I've in the past several years. I'm trying to eat right, losing a little weight, etc. Still, the idea of pulling an all-nighter these days fills me with dread. I have done it once or twice in the past year, but I certainly felt it the next day. And more often than not, I'm not able to pull it off - nodding off in my chair, leaning back to "rest my eyes" as my granddaddy used to say.
Now, it's clearer to me why it was hard for Jesus' followers to keep up. Biblical accounts paint Jesus as a man who knew what his purpose was. He was motivated. He knew what had to be done and was more-than willing to do it. He knew the ramifications. He saw the bigger picture. Those following him most likely didn't. Even if they had a glimpse of what the whole thing meant, relatively speaking, the had no idea. As a result, I imagine they were somewhat less motivated and impassioned.
They were also adults with hard lives, so it makes sense that they were tired and more-than-ready to fall asleep the first chance they got to rest. I can't imagine what it was like to be a follower of Jesus, but I imagine most days were full of various trials and stresses, especially those leading up to the day of his death. Life experience has given me much more sympathy for Peter, James, John and the rest.
It's hard to keep watch. With all the distractions and demands of life, we're tired. We don't want to pray, meditate, listen to god for five whole minutes, much less an hour.
A recent blog by my priest talks about how, when she took on a different, more relaxing form of prayer, she often fell asleep after 10 minutes. I was thinking to myself, "I probably wouldn't last two minutes before my mind would drift off to what I had to do the next day or I'd be snoring."
There have been times that someone in my family was sick or had a problem and needed to talk or needed company. In my younger days, I'd have been able to hang in there and listen and comfort them. These days, I get sleepy. I try to listen, but I feel my eyelids getting heavy and find myself drifting off to sleep.
And on days when I don't have to get up and go to work, I often sleep in. Again, my eyes are heavy with sleep, and my body is heavy in the bed - so heavy it's easy to talk myself out of trying to move it. If I let myself, I could sleep for 10-11 hours most nights. On those days, the rest of my family is often up and about for hours before I emerge.
So this year for lent, one goal I have is to give up some sleep. I want to get up earlier, even on days when I don't have to. I can spend that extra time with my family, praying, walking my dogs or doing something in hopes of making the world better. Also, I will try harder to stay awake and listen to friends who need to talk when all I really feel like doing is go to bed for the night. And, of course, there's Easter Vigil to be kept.
The spirit is indeed willing, but the flesh is, indeed, weak.